


Everybody Knows That The Dice Are Loaded

by spectralarchers



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Character Death, Clint Barton Needs a Hug, F/M, Hurt Clint Barton, Implied/Referenced Character Death, What-If, implied suicidal ideation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-16
Updated: 2017-12-16
Packaged: 2019-02-15 17:39:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 788
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13036113
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spectralarchers/pseuds/spectralarchers
Summary: A little snippet of how Clint Barton would react to Laura and the kids meeting their end in the MCU as they did in the Ultimates!Universe.





	Everybody Knows That The Dice Are Loaded

**Author's Note:**

  * For [andibeth82](https://archiveofourown.org/users/andibeth82/gifts).



> I am the *biggest* Laura Barton stan there will ever be (or almost), and I will protect her with my own life. I will stand on a hill and fight an army for her, and for Clint and Laura's marriage and family, because they mean so much to me.
> 
> However, I have been in a shitty place mentally lately, with some mixed feelings thrown into the cocktail about death, suicide and other things, so I decided to throw it all onto Clint and pretend he's the one that has to deal with that pain instead of me.

He can feel every single inch of his body closing down on him. It feels worse than when he’s been shot, tortured, mutilated and torn apart, piece by piece. 

His lungs are heaving for air, as if he’s underwater and they aren’t responding to his desire to breath. His hands are shaking, unable to grasp any of the objects lying around him, unsteady and in shock. 

His eyes are fluttering left to right, wide open, looking like he’s about to bolt any second. 

He can feel every single inch of his soul screaming out in pain as the suffering spreads through his heart and chest to the very edge of his finger tips, to his gut, to his head. 

Every atom in his body is shrieking with the pain, as he falls onto his knees, glass shards embedding themselves into his kneecaps, and then into the palms of his hands as he falls forward, unable to keep himself steady as his body shuts down on him, not able to process the shock. 

He can feel the tears on his face, refusing to struggle at keeping them back, as he feels his entire being losing it. There’s blood everywhere, everything has been torn apart, pictures ripped apart, the glassframes of family pictures punched to pieces, memories scattered around the floor where they left them, bloodied and destroyed.

He doesn’t register he’s screaming until his throat starts hurting, as he realizes he’s got glass in his flesh within the palm of his hands, as he looks around, wild eyed and tormented by the sight in front of him. Spit falls from his mouth as there’s a raspy intake of breath, and the scream feels coarse against his throat as he yells Laura’s name, asking for her face, her hands, her touch-

Everything he is, everything he knows, everything he thought he knew breaks into a million pieces, and he can feel the pieces shattering out of his soul, as he tries to scream again, no sound coming from his mouth as he grasps for a picture, for something that hasn’t been destroyed, as he dares crawl over to Laura- to her body- to where she fell.

As he drags his body across the floor, across the glass and shards of wood, he sees where the bullets hit the floor, the couch, the walls, where they ripped flesh  apart and where the splashes of blood hit when they- when they-

He sees them, as he screams again, his lungs heaving, screaming, shrieking and shivering for air as he tries to compute what is going on, as he tries to grasp, to catch, to pull, to stroke- anything, anything at all to make them look up, to make their dead open eyes blink at him, wink at him, anything, anything-

Everything he is, he loses at the same time as blood starts gushing from a cut on his arms, as he finally makes it to Laura’s body, craddling her head across his lap, bending forward and sobbing, shoulders shaking, uncontrollably, unbearably, unbelievably, kissing her forehead, closing her eyes with a gentle caress of his fingers across her face, as he tastes her lips, they’re so cherry sweet, as he smells her still damp hair from her shower, as he feels her skin, his eyes opening up and searching around her for the- for- for the kids.

Another scream catches in his throat, and he feels the cutting feeling of air across his neck when the shriek catches, his vocal cords hoarse and used and dry, and he lets himself down, craddling Laura, craddling her against his chest, looking around him, for anything- anything- something he can use to- to-

He looks around, eyes wild and lost, enraged with grief, raw with pain, broken with hate. He won’t leave this place, he won’t leave them, he can’t- he- he was their father, her husband, he needs to go too, he needs to- he looks down at his hands, at her blood meddling with his, he hasn’t noticed she’s been shot too, blood spilling out of her, onto his lap, and he can’t tell the difference anymore, he doesn’t-

He grabs the gun off his belt and puts it under his chin, fingers slipping over the trigger as he fumbles with the lock, breathing wild, snot and spit and blood all over his face, blending with his tears. He can’t see straight, his eyelashes are sticky, his lips are trembling and he asks for forgiveness. His voice is gone, he screamed too long. Not a sound makes it out of his mouth as he closes his eyes and begs for forgiveness.

A fist connects with his temple before he manages to pull the trigger. 

**Author's Note:**

> I re-read all of the Ultimates comics over the last week as an unhealthy coping mechanism, and even though it hasn't helped on my own mental mood, it gave me an outlet for all the feelings I have bubbling inside of me right now. 
> 
> Leave a comment if you feel like it, this fic was more meant for tumblr where I am [spectralarchers](http://spectralarchers.tumblr.com).


End file.
